Long term love & the lens we see it from

Brace yourself because I’m going to share what may be an unpopular opinion:

Things don’t have to be overly tumultuous for your relationship to end.

I think in today’s society there are two extreme sides of the spectrum:

Those who stick through romantic relationships way longer than they should & take more shit than they deserve. And those who bounce at the site of any bumps in the road.

I’ll start by saying this: No relationship is perfect. I don’t care how blissful it looks on Instagram. Every inter-personal relationship has difficult times. You want that. I truly think that’s where growth occurs. But how much is too much? Where is the balance in tension & ease and between being a runner and serial stay-er.

I’ve been both. And sometimes I think that’s how balance is found: being on both ends of the spectrum and eventually finding your center. I’ve stuck it out in relationships way longer than I needed to & allowed way more to go on than I should have. And i’ve also been a runner, ducked out as soon as things became challenging. And I’m slowly finding my own personal center.

I think for many of us who end up in long-term relationships (serial long-timer here) It is difficult to know when to leave. What I learned from my experience, though, is that deep down on a subconscious level you always know. For me, that looked like a lot of extreme highs & lows. One day feeling like you just have to get out, an overwhelming knowing that you can’t deny. You may over analyze and think over and over about how the future looks and how it ain’t all that pretty. And then the next week you’re crazy in love and thinking about the future and how beautiful of a life you could have.

And if you’ve never experienced this, it probably sounds like a trip - and if you have experienced it, you know it is a trip.

I call this the great battle between the head & the heart - The Ego vs the insightful and intuitive Soul. The soul recognizes and knows deeply that the match may not be meant and most likely will not work. But the idea of losing the relationship is so painful and complicated for our egos to wrap their minds around because a part of our identity is wrapped up in the relationship. And who will we be without it? And is it really that bad to justify leaving and creating a chaotic mess?

The Ego & the Soul are literally competing to be the lens in which you see the relationship. It’s a very confusing and disorienting place to be in and if you’re there or have been there - I feel for you.

My advice? Get clear on where you’re at. Where is your heart at? Your head? What are you afraid of? What is the worst case scenario? And when you envision your most beautiful and aligned future - what does that look like? And have an honest conversation with yourself on whether or not your current partner really fits into that **as they are now. Not as who you hope they’ll be, not who they have the potential become but as they are right now. If nothing ever changed, are you OK with that? Seeing the potential in everything is a beautiful gift, but I have learned the hard way that potential is not the best way to gauge the future.

I wish I had a step-by-step process in working through this but I don’t because it’s something I’m still working through myself. All I know for sure is this: We are immensely sensitive and intuitive beings and our inner worlds whisper knowings constantly. Do you listen to these yourself? And once you start listening - do you have the courage to trust them enough to take you where you need to go?

I know I do.

But I still have fear. I still have doubt & concern. And look at me…. i’m doing it anyway. And I’m pretty dang proud of that.