Self love reality check

Most of my life I’ve been pretty docile. I’ve always had fire in me, don’t get me wrong, but for the most part i’ve done what I could to keep the peace, avoid confrontation & stayed in somewhat of the background, avoiding any chances of rocking the boat.

But something in me is shifting these last few months. I feel like these old patterns and ways of living that have kept me at bay for so long are loosening up… there’s space to see other ways of being.

What I’m learning is that I have done all that I can to keep the peace with others, to make sure no-one else had to feel discomfort with my thoughts & feelings. So I kept the peace and comfort for everyone else and all it cost me was my own personal peace and comfort. I internalized so many of my feelings for so many years and it created anxiety, disassociation & health issues. AKA a big old wake up call.

Those days are over. And I’m not even angry at the way things have been - but I feel a deep sense of empowerment to live my truth, to speak my truth and to put myself first. And that’s what I’ll be doing. I feel like I’ve been gifted a fresh slate, and the grooves my old ways created have been reset. Now I get to create new grooves of positive, loving patterns for myself. And I’m pretty freakin stoked about it.

Self love ain’t all face masks & bubble baths. it’s difficult conversations, creating boundaries, and honoring yourself first. I think so often we let our deep fear of being alone guide us into unhealthy friendships and relationships simply because it’s better than nothing. I would rather be alone than with people who make me feel shitty. I still have fears like any other human on aloneness and to say I don’t would be a lie. But those fears will not be where I live my life from.

The best part? When you clear out those relationships that aren’t healthy or fulfilling, you set a precedence with the world on what you’re not willing to tolerate. And the universe will respond - it always does.

Just gotta have a little faith. It’ll carry ya through.

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My experience with anxiety

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The eye of the storm