Fear is a liar

As difficult as 2021 has been - I’m pretty thankful for it. Because through all the bumps in the road, it’s woken me the F up to ALOT. And if I would’ve had the option, I wouldn’t of chose any of it. Who chooses painful growth? I’ve felt like i’ve walked through the fire the last 18 months and let me tell ya, it has been hard. There have been days where I feel like all I can do is surrender to the blows the universe kept sending my way.

And maybe the place I’m coming to with all of this is a true insight on who I am as a person - an eternal optimist. I truly try to find the silver lining in anything. And maybe that also means I just have a lot more faith in the Universe than I give myself credit for. I know this because even as i’ve walked through the fire (and let’s be honest will probably continue to - I think it’s part of life) I’ve stopped so many times along the way to trust in the journey that is unfolding right before my very eyes.

I’ve always been a type A for as long as I can remember, even as a child & especially as an adult. Always the one with a plan, a goal, an idea of what the future looked like. I’ll let ya in on a little secret: It’s all an illusion. Control, security, all of it is an illusion and I think that’s a very difficult truth for our brains to wrap themselves around. We want to think that we’re safe, secure & know what’s around the corner - simply because we are afraid. Human-kind is so driven by fear that even on a subconscious level, we do all we can to convince ourselves that the future isn’t so unknown - that we’ve got control of what happens next.

I’ve learned how far from the truth that is. And even though it was a jarring truth to wake up to - it helped me significantly. I recognize and honor the beautiful & unknown of life and at this point I have no choice other that to trust the hell out of it. What other choice do I honestly have? Hold on so tight that I think the truth is something else? I don’t have the energy for it anymore.

I’m approaching the situations that arise with intuition and faith in what is to be. And even though my logical, analytical mind feels like that’s not safe and wants to sound all the alarms- I know that intuition is going to take me much further than my fearful, controlling mind will. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it either - I recognize that that part of me is there to keep me safe and is very protective - it’s not bad. But it can be overbearing so knowing when to send the soldiers off on a little downtime is something i’m finding to be absolutely necessary. Because if you don’t, they’ll try to take over the whole town that is you.

And personally, I refuse to let myself be taken over by fear.